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roseisreturning:

mermaids don’t have thigh gaps but they can still lure men to their deaths

i fucking hate how nervous people make me like i can’t even walk down the road without feeling judged and that is just ridiculous 

snapchatting:

*imagines myself working out* okay that’s enough exercise for the year

youaremynirvana:

hoelita:

female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

same

stealinyoman:

marry a guy who has sisters because he’s seen the female in her natural state therefore won’t have any unrealistic expectations of you 

-annoying:

i want a hot body but i also want hot wings

shouldnt:

that moment when you finally squeeze into those super skinny jeans

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